Seussian Tech Support Responses
attributed to Dr. Seuss's worshippers

This rhyme has made the rounds of the 'net for years, and is a well-done classic and a great dedication to Theodor Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss. The real authors are unknown. (Note this piece is not attributed to any concrete author — evidence is sketchy as to who actually wrote these. If you did, please let us know and we'll correct the omission on this page!)

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Did you spill on it a glass of Coke?
Did the power supply start to smoke?

Did it go up with a bang?
Did it on the boot-up hang?

Did it read a file wrong?
Did it play its start up song?

Did it open your data disk?
Did your OS come with RISC?

Did the keyboard work at all?
Did you plug it in the wall?

Did the mouse move left or right?
Did your cursor drop out of sight?

Did the printer make your copies?
Did you backup onto floppies?

Did your hard disk icon flip?
Did you check out all the DIPS?

Did you download files off the Net?
Did you check for a virus yet?

Did you re-install your apps?
Did the text appear in all caps?

Did the modem even start to dial?
Did you change any fonts style?

Did you read all errors we've reported?
Did you know that's not supported?

Did you load any brand new drivers?
Did you say you used some pliers?

Did you install memory chips in pair?
Did put the floppy where?

Did you use the free CD we included?
Did you know that problem is warranty excluded?

Did you give all the connections a good tightening?
Did you know you shouldn't run it during lightning?

Did you install system fresh?
Did you the reset button press?

Did the system theme make you frown?
Did you bring the whole network down?

Did everything just work okay?
Did you turn on your monitor's display?

Did you make changes, oh that many?
Did you know there is no key "any"?

Did your problem appear right out of the blue?
Did you know you haven't got a clue!

Disclaimer: All content is made up, and no profit or lucre is expected, solicited, advocated or paid. This is all just for fun. Any comments, please email WOOKIEEhut directly. Flames will be ignored. Characters and situations are based on those which are the property of LucasFilms Ltd., Bantam Publishing, Random House, and their respective original owners and developers. The rest is this story's author's own fault. This story may not be posted anywhere without the author's knowledge, consent, and permission. This story is presented by