His Smile

This poem revisits Jaina's confusion at the way Kyp was able to use his sexuality to trick her into believing that the worldship the Yuuzhan Vong were growing was a weapon that had to be destroyed. The timeframe for the poem is the end of NJO: Rebirth, and the metre and rhythm are based on a Dave Grohl Foo Fighter's song!

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

His smile
is a weapon
he wields with the confidence
of one well-versed in the art
of underhand combat, plying
his arsenal of feints and trickery,
baiting the sly traps with hints
and half-promises, enticing me,
stirring emotions I cannot name
... except in fantasies.

His smile
is a scalpel
deployed with the precision
of one practised in the art
of manipulation, skilfully,
coldly, cutting to my heart,
releasing a torrent of needs
I never recognised as mine,
and I cannot stem the flow.

His lips
are blades
curving slowly into couffes
that slash through my beliefs
desecrating the symmetry that,
layered slowly and textured
by nurturing years, saw child
grow to adult, girl to woman.
Callously they rip and reorganise,
mindless except for blind ambition.

He who will stop
at nothing
to prevent tyranny,
cannot see
the tyrant in himself
savaging the structures
I hold dear
with knowing lies,
shaping his lips
into that smile —
tearing me to shreds —
that smile, like gas
infiltrating, insinuating,
filling my head with clouds.

His smile
lays me,
flays me ...
betrays me,

and for that
I cannot
forgive him.

You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

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