Scribbles by Diana

[Based on Milne's The King's Breakfast]

Wedding Plans
(A dramatic kind of poem written for frustrated princes.)

The Prince asked
The Aide and
The Aide asked
The Courtier:
"Help me find a wife
That my Mother won't want dead."
The Aide asked
The Courtier,
The Courtier
Thought gloomily:
I'd better
See the old
Or she'll go off her head.

The Courtier
He grimaced,
Then went and found
Ta'a Chume:
"The Prince seeks a pretty girl
To grace his marriage bed."
Ta'a Chume
Said sweetly:
"You'd better tell
The Chume'da
That many people nowadays
Choose abstinence

The Courtier
Said, "Uh oh!"
And went to
The Aid-de-camp.
He shuffled his feet, and
He turned beetroot red:
"Ta'a Chume
opines that
Is better,
Maybe the Chume'da
Should buy
A single

The Aide said,
And went to
Prince Isolder:
"Speaking of a woman that
Your mother won't want dead,
Many people
Think that
Is safer.
How about becoming
A Sunesi

The Prince said,
And then he moaned,
"Oh woe is me!
The Prince groaned, "Celibacy!"
And whacked the Aide's head:
Could ever
I'm a real man!
All I want's
A wife who won't
Make Mother
See red!"

The Aide said,
And hurried to
The Courtier.
The Courtier
Said, "Wow! What a
Huge bump on your head!"
The Queen said,
"Ha, ha!
I had you going
That time.
Here are the women
Who've been suitably bred."

The Aide took
The holos
And brought them to
The Chume'da.
The latter said,
"Women! Yay!"
And bounced on his bed.
"Some men," he said,
"Like the docile
Tender ones.
Some men," he said,
"Like the sweet and
Slender ones.
But I,
My friend,
Like to live
Life dangerously —

"I'm going to choose the Alderaanian instead!"

[Based on Missing]

Grand Theft Speeder
(A frustrated kind of poem made by a confused minor bureaucrat who was visiting 500 Republica on night "business.")

Has anybody seen my speeder

I popped away for less than a minute
Just to check the parking limit,
And no sooner had I turned my back,
The damn thing disappeared! Like that!
It's the latest model T-type two-seater.
Has anyone seen my speeder?

'Scuse me, sir, have you seen my speeder?
It's a yellow one; the spec reckons
Zero to max in seven seconds —
So it's probably already past the fountains
And halfway to the Menari Mountains!

It must be somewhere. I'll ask that Dug.
Er, on second thoughts — no. He'll think I'm a mug.
Oh this is a pain —
And it's starting to rain ...

Hasn't anybody seen my speeder?

[Based on Bad Sir Brian Botany]

Malevolent Master Maul
(A what-comes-around-goes-around kind of poem made by a moralistic reader under the influence of Monty Python.)

Darth Maul had a lightsaber with two great blades on;
He'd really wanted purple, but his master ordered red.
Although he tried to deal with it, it made him throw a hissy fit.
He raged around the Palace, and this is what he said:
"I am Darth Maul!" (snap-hiss)
"I am Darth Maul!" (ker-splat)
"I'm a Knight of Ni, and I want a shrubbery —
Take that! —and that! —and that!"

Darth Maul had a swoop bike with CVIs on,
A present from his mum for passing Sith101.
On Coruscant and Dantooine, and on the sands of Tatooine,
He'd zoom around the populace and zap them just for fun.
"I am Darth Maul!" (ping-ping)
"I am Darth Maul!" (got one!)
"I am Darth Maul and I'm having a ball —
And I fart in your general direction!"

Darth Maul went a journey and met his nemesis;
He rather went to pieces on distant Naboo.
The funeral unfortunately quite confused his family,
For Maul's plot was allotted not just one hole — but two.

"Never do things by halves!
Remember to keep your head.
And Knights of Ni — stay in your shrubbery!
Or, like Maul, you'll end up dead!"

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