The GFFA Grammies!
"His Rump" and "Pretty Fly for a Jedi"

I finally got around to writing a parody of the Black-eyed Peas song "My Hump" that I've wanted to do for a while, and then I got inspired and added a second parody of the Offspring's song — "Pretty Fly For a White Guy" as well. Hope you get a giggle from it. :) So here we are, dudes and dudettes — I present ... the GFFA Grammies hosted by none other than two of your favourite droids from da hood. ;)

[Enter: two very funky looking droids wearing sun glasses and smashball hats.]

Hey there! I'm C3PBro' and this is R2DFeat — and we're about to take you tripping, and hop-hipping to ... The GFFA Grammies. So grab your bi-otch and do de hip-hopscotch — we are ready to rock your socks.

[Cheers and screams as the holocam zooms in on a smoke-hazed stage lit by a psychedelic strobe display. The crowd is swaying and dancing about with arms raised.]

[C3PO] And first up we have — all the way, hey, hey, hey, from Denon, where it's all goin' on — Kyp Do-Ron and Zekk singing their number one hit, "His Rump". So get ready to rant with them and let your jealousy rage about that sassy Jag Fel and his sexy CSA.

And what's a CSA I hear you say?

It's got cheek, it's got class.

It's his canon sanctified ... [holds microphone down to R2]

[R2] BEEP.

[Kyp Do-Ron and Zekk, clothed in black cloaks, swagger out from each side of the stage. They meet in the middle, rip off each other's cloaks to reveal black hoodies with pictures of Jag in his clawcraft, in flames, on them. They scowl at the audience and grab their mikes.]

[Kyp] What we gon' do 'bout all this junk,
All this junk 'bout Jag Fel's rump,

[Zekk] I'm a get, get, get myself drunk,
If I read any more 'bout his sithly rump,
His rump, his rump, his rump, his rump,
His rump, his rump, his rump,
Wanna slice him into chunks
And take him out.

[Kyp] (You said it bro')
It drives me really crazy,
Don't wanna let it faze me,
But I can't seem to fight it,
Coz everywhere they write it:
Stackpole and Luceno
Allston's Rebel Dream, oh
Makes me feel like swearin'
When the limelight ain't for sharin'.
Even though I am a hero
It signifies but zero,
Saber champion, Jedi Master
Super-sifty with a blaster.
Yet in this mess that we're in
All I keep on hearin'
Is chicks all loudly cheerin'
Ravin' 'bout his rear end,

His rump, his rump, his rump, his rump,
He thinks he's such a hunk.

[Both] We're stumped, we're stumped, we're stumped
About what to do.
He's got us spending.

[Zekk] Spendin' all our money bulking
up, and body sculpting,

[Both] He's got us spending.

[Kyp] Spendin' all our time sulking,
and hoping to choke him.

It really does perplex me
How chicks find him so sexy.
Jaina's so obsessed she's
Being quite a pest, she's
Talking 'bout his rump, rump,
Gettin' me in a grump, grump.

[Zekk] At least you get some sexual tension,
I don't even get a mention,
Which isn't very fair bro'
Coz I don't like to share, yo
And I had her first bro'.

[Kyp] I had her at her worst though.

[pause as they both think]

[Zekk] Perhaps it ain't so bad bro'.
[Kyp] She made us pretty sad bro'.
[Zekk] Maybe I'm kinda glad bro'
She gave us both the dump.

The dump, the dump, the dump, the dump,
She dumped us for his rump, his rump, his rump, his rump,
His sassy pilot hump, that canonical bump,
Looks good both back and front.

Now look who's the chump.

[They swagger off giving each other high fives.]

[C3PBro' and R2DFeat jive back on to the stage hooting and whistling.]

[C3PO] And let's hear it for Kyp Do-Ron and Zekk — da bros who know about woes. Love that angst, brothers! Woohoo!

[general mayhem and applause]

And now — looks like somebody's heard Kyp's cry. Maybe all ain't lost for you, dude — maybe LUV is just waitin' around the next time warp, or maybe NOT. Here are the Jedi Babes v Corran and MC Luke with their latest chart-topper — "Pretty Fly For a Jedi".

[Crowd goes wild as Jaina, Danni and Alema, dressed in mini-skirts and mini-tops and shaggy boots appear out of a billow of dry ice smoke. Jaina grabs the mike while the others dance — making the audience go crazy.]

[Jaina] You know it's kinda hard for a Jedi these days,
Gotta be real good like the rulebook says:
"Stick to the Code, always do what's right",
Unless your name is Kyp, then you can do what you like,
Like steal a ship, take it for a trip,
Smash it up good, and really let rip
With your teenage angst, and your dark side pranks,

[Everyone in harmony] You really got a chip on your shoulder, Kyp!

[Alema] But 'coz you're so cute, no-one gives a hoot.
Even 'poppa' Han doesn't give you the boot.
Seems the galaxy is your playground, see,
Hey baby, just do your thing!

[Everyone] Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
And we all say he's pretty fly for a Jedi.

[Luke and Corran, dressed very formally in their Jedi cloaks, appear out of the smoke and Luke uses the Force to motion the girls away from the mike.]

[Luke] A Jedi Knight has to find a role to fit
And when trouble comes we try to do our bit,
Like join up to fight in a battered old ship,
Well that's how it is unless your name is Kyp.

[Corran] Then you're skiving off, dressin' like a Goth,
Puttin' on airs like an Imperial Moff,
And when the sirens blow, and it's all go
It's just an opportunity to put on a show,

[Everyone] With orchestra and mikes, strobes and lights

[Corran] Wish he was a droid then we'd perform a little wipe.

[Luke] But wouldn't you know that the NJO
Just encouraged him to do his own thing?

[Corran] I'm telling you bro', you let him off too easy.
He's been chatting up your niece ...

[Luke] Why that sleazy ...
Oh goodness, forgive me — but that's so wrong.

[Corran] How 'bout we do him over at the end of this song?

[Girls] They'll sock it to you Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
They'll sock it to you Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
They'll sock it to you Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
But we all say he's pretty sly for a Jedi

Better get on your ship, let the thrusters rip
And take yourself away on a long, long trip
Or the Jedi, you see, will make you history.
But you're so cute Kyp, you'll give them the slip,
And make it big from that Jedi free-styling
Or teaching babes how to do some synchronised flying,
Coz the galaxy is your playground, see,
Hey baby, just do your thing!

[Everyone] Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
And we all say he's pretty fly for a Jedi.

[Luke and Corran disappear into the haze muttering about revenge, leaving the girls to prance around singing the chorus again and waving to the audience. The holocam focuses on Zekk who has found Jag, and the two are comparing notes about Jaina. It then pans to a dark figure, that turns out to be Kyp, scuttling towards one of the doors with a line of Jedi in pursuit, plus Han with a blaster rifle shouting: "I'll teach you to make out with my daughter!"]

[Girls] Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,

[C3PBro' and R2DFeat roll back on stage.]

[Girls] Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,
Sock it to me Kyppie, uh huh, uh huh,

[C3PO] Yo, it's all action and mel-o-drama here at the GFFA Grammies. Will Kyp Do-Ron escape Han da man and da bros in da capes? Is Jag gonna clue Zekk in about how to get his rump canon-sanctified? We gonna leave it up to you to decide.

And da word on da street from R2DFeat is ...

[Kyp races on to the stage, and C3PBro' lurches left to avoid being knocked over only to find himself face to face with Han's blaster. He lurches the other way, gets knocked into a spin by Luke and the line of pursuing Jedi, and proceeds to spin round the stage destroying the props and sending the Jedi Babes and the accompanying band flying.

R2DFeat surveys the wreckage, then turns and faces the audience, shrugs and picks up the one undamaged mike.]

[R2] And they try to tell me they're all from the light side!

[The audience goes wild.]

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