Fight for Peace

Awareness seeps through her, slowly, cautiosly. Heart beating slowly. Eyes drifting open. Gray. Square gray panels of the bulkhead stare back at her silently. Her mind awakes. Mission. Today. Kill. No, must not think of killing ... but that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Kill or be killed. Hunter and hunted in the same instant. She rises. Her body does what it has been trained to do each time she wakes, and soon she is suited and walking to the briefing room. Her mind follows its own path. The specifics of the mission don't matter. Just keep the enemy from its target. Kill or be killed, life will continue somewhere. Life will continue somewhere. So why are we killing and being killed? Greater good. What is right. Save lives. She has heard the reasons a thousand times. Does she believe them? She thinks she does. She thinks she has to. To turn her back would be wrong, wouldn't it? If you are not my friend you are my enemy. If she gave up, dropped out, went into exile, she might not have to answer the questions she asks. But she would have no purpose. She is a fighter. A fighter must have something to fight for or against, else slip into uselessness. So she fights, and lets others answer her questions. Briefing finished, everything heard has been remembered for when it is needed. To the hangar and her ship. Routine so practised she need not think about what she does. One more mission, one more chance to kill, one more chance to be killed. One more in a long line. Too long. Ship prepped, engines on, form up for jump, star points become lines, silence, peace. Peace. Fight for peace. She smiles sadly. Fight for peace. Oxymoron. Yet that is what she does. What she has been doing for too long. What she has been doing for so long that she does not know how to do anything else. She is part of her ship. The controls are extensions of her body. Timer trills a warning. Deep breath. Calm. Lines shrink to points. Exclamations over the comm, fighters all around, lazer blasts think as fog. Ambush. Evade. Turn. Fire. Spiral. Dive. Chase. Fire. Kill. Twist. Loop. Turn. Follow. Fire. Kill. Evade. Cannot evade. Siren blaring. Torpedo lock. Kill or be killed. It is a good day to die. But for what? And then she is gone. The battle continues. Life continues somewhere. Life goes on.

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