The Night Before the Night Before
Wedge looked at his chrono, then at the prone body beside him. "Tycho, c'mon. We have to go! The shuttle is ready and you're still naked!"
Tycho was less than naked... he was unshaven, naked, lying on the floor, covered with a blanket, his pillow over his head, trying to drown out the noise Wedge was making at him. Something about a shuttle. Why would I need a shuttle?
Oh, right ... I'm getting married tomorrow ...
He loved Winter, he truly did. But nothing was going to get him up and ready for this auspicious day. He'd gone through a lot to get here, and truly wanted to be married. But not right now. Probably not tomorrow, either. Maybe not even this week.
The memories of last night's activities started to poke into Tycho's consciousness, and he started to groan. He stopped abruptly when the noise he was making threatened to hammer his skull open.
He swore to himself, I will never, ever trust anyone, ever, ever again.
"C'mon, Colonel! Okay, you don't have to touch, but we need dates for your wedding, and we thought you'd like a final, first-hand look at how its done!" Wes smiled broadly.
"No," Tycho quickly replied, "you miscreants always get into some sort of slapfest. I've seen it, don't need it again. Go away."
The mournful Major Klivian looked even sadder, "But Tycho... no bachelor party! You asked us not to, and we didn't. See? We listen, we obey. Why don't you trust us?"
Tycho grinned and patted Hobbie on the shoulder, "I trust you to do the right thing, I trust you as my wingmen. I do NOT trust you not to do something to me that will make my wedding an excruciating exercise."
The two men looked wounded. "You don't?" asked Hobbie, obviously hurt, "Wes, he doesn't trust us!"
Wes furrowed his eyebrows, "Okay, if that's how he feels about it. I didn't realize Tycho thought more of Winter than he thinks of us. All this time, I thought we at least rated equally. I mean, there are two of us. Harumph. Let's go, Hobs."
The two men made a move to rise, but were stopped by Tycho's glare, "You make it hard, you know. You guys are jerks."
Wes looked merry again, "I know! So let's go!"
The new bartender at the tapcaf was startled by the site of two Majors hoisting a Colonel under their arms and carrying him away. Should he call the MPs? The Colonel looked kind of upset and was struggling. Well, best not to get involved with military matters.
"Sorry, babe," Wes was telling a beautifully built brunette, "not quite what we're looking for. Send in the next one."
The girl smiled. As she left the private room, she made sure to wiggle provocatively, to let them know she'd appreciate their call in the future. She was rewarded with a groan from one of the men behind her.
"Why'd you let her go??" gasped a very drunk Tycho Celchu, "She's perfect! I mean, almost perfect. She's not like Winter, but she was almost perfect."
Hobbie wrinkled his nose, "You're such an amateur, Tycho. You're still talking about Winter ... sheesh!"
Wes smiled, "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"
"Yes," proclaimed Tycho in a drunken slur, "I wanna do it again!"
A scantily-clad busty human with thick, straw-colored hair, large, sapphire blue eyes and pouty, sensual lips came into the room.
"Ooooh!" squealed Tycho.
Two men came staggering back into base, another man supported and dragging between them. They were weaving dangerously, even falling on occasion in the middle of the roadway. The MPs had no trouble finding them, and due to their ranks, they were reported to the commander, rather than thrown in the hoosegow.
Wedge looked down at the disheveled pile of his best pilot-officers.
"The MPs recommend I send you all to the MedCenter in bonds," Wedge was incredulous, "will you stop that giggling??"
Wes was the one giggling, "But I'm ticklish, and Tycho keeps poking me!"
"I can't help it!" Tycho was slurring, "My penis is happy!"
Hobbie turned his head away, "Eeeuw ...!"
Wes pulled his legs up and rolled off the pile, over his right shoulder, "Pervert!" He tried to stand up, and failed.
Tycho giggled, "After what I saw you doing, mister, you can't seriously call anyone else that!"
Wedge rolled his eyes, then looked at the MPs who had hauled the men in, "Dismissed, gentlemen."
Before the baffled security men were able to vacate the room, Tycho was blurting out, "Wedge, it's true, I can't help it! My penis has been out partying all night, and now it's sore and won't go back down. I have to visit the 'fresher so badly now, too!" Tycho was trying to stand up.
"That's my face, idiot," groused Hobbie, trying to roll away from Tycho's foot, "you can't stand on a round object."
Tycho was goodnaturedly and ineffectively pulling on Hobbie's ankle, "Lemme help you up, Hobs."
Wedge had had enough. He dragged each of the drunk men into chairs, and ordered water and caf from the serving droid. He made each man drink liquids to try and offset the alcohol they'd consumed, but wondered if that was possible.
"Tycho ... Colonel Celchu! Pay attention," Wedge shook his friend by the shoulders, "and try to understand me: you are getting married in two days. Do you remember this? This is a big event; Princess Leia is hosting the reception. What the hell are you thinking?"
Wes snorted, "HE'S not thinking..."
Hobbie smiled, "... his OTHER head is doing the thinking!"
Wedge glared at the two other men, but in their euphoric state, the unsaid reprimand lost its usual effect. Both men laughed uproariously and tittered gleefully at the memories flashing through their brains.
"Tycho!" Wedge barked at the blond man, "This is not a stupid sim. This is the rest of your life. You may have no respect for yourself, but at least honor Winter and the Princess!"
At the mention of his fiancáe's name, Tycho seemed to sober up a measure. His face lost its idiotically happy mien, and he made a visible show of trying to sit up straight, and ran his hands through his hair, trying to neaten it out. He got up slowly and saluted to Wedge, almost crisply.
This is too bizarre, thought Wedge.
"Commander, I'll be... I'll... I...." stuttered Tycho, before he collapsed onto the floor.
The floor was cool against his cheek. It felt good. The light coming in the window hurt his left eye, even though it was shut. He heard voices, saying things about him and a wedding. He lay still and concentrated hard.
We were testing out women, Wedge, no harm in that! We wanted the best dates to bring to his wedding. Heck, he and Winter asked us not to have a formal bachelor's send-off for him, so me and Hobbie decided the least we could do was have him help us find the right women for us.
Well, we planned on taking two apiece, so there were a lot to go through.
Heck, Wedge, we only went to the best places! You know, you went to a few yourself, especially th- ... yeah, they let you try the girls out there.
Well, how else will you know you've gotten the best ones?
Um, yeah. He tried out a few for us. As a favor. We were kinda tired. No, no harm done, we swear. Um, yeah, he had a lot to drink. Heh, yeah, not fruit juice, no ... Well, we sort of let him. No, he didn't pay anything, we let him!
Oh, yeah, but it's his last chance, Wedge! Go easy on the guy!
You've got to be-
Awww, Wedge ... !!!
General Wedge Antilles stood at the podium, a gesture that resulted in attention from the guests Tycho and Winter had invited to their wedding. But rather than a ceremony, the guests were baffled to be re-routed to a cocktail party. They all anxiously turned to Tycho's commanding officer when Wedge cleared his throat and started to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. We are delighted to announce that the reception is ready, and Princess Leia Organa and Dame Winter are happy to have you partake in the planned festivities.
"Unfortunately, Colonel Celchu has had his leave postponed; he is on a mission on behalf of the New Republic, and has been unable to return as scheduled. Rest assured, he is alive and well, and conveys his apologies for this necessary delay.
"It is his wish that this party go on as scheduled; he will be back within the week, and will go ahead with his planned wedding to the lovely Dame Winter, of the House of Organa, as soon as he can. Details will be forthcoming.
"If you can spare the time, please be the guests of Majors Janson and Klivian at the Galaxy Coruscant. They are special friends of Colonel Celchu, and will happily sponsor and host your time here, for as long as you wish to stay."
Disclaimer: All content is made up, and no profit or lucre is expected, solicited, advocated or paid. This is all just for fun. Any comments, please e-mail the author or WOOKIEEhut directly. Flames will be ignored. Characters and situations are based on those which are the property of LucasFilms Ltd., Bantam Publishing, Random House, and their respective original owners and developers. The rest is this story's author's own fault. This story may not be posted anywhere without the author's knowledge, consent, and permission.