I Can Wait Forever
Jaina led Kyp to a small, drab grey conference room, with a small table, six chairs and a decent viewport that showed the star lines of hyperspace. It was probably the only place, besides their respective quarters, where there werent currently people milling about. Kyp wasnt surprised to see Jaina key in a code to lock the doors behind them. The Force only knew what she wanted to talk with him about, and with the door securely lock he didnt see much hope of an easy escape.
At the sound of his voice, Jaina turned to him, an unreadable expression on her face. She put a hand on Kyps chest and pushed him back until he bumped up against a chair. She pushed him down onto it. We are going to have a talk, now. No interruptions.
Kyp nodded. With the buzz he had going, and the way the room seemed to want to spin, he realized that wasnt the wisest course of action. The last thing he need was to say or do the wrong thing, but he was still embarrassed by the way Min tried to make Jaina jealous. Jaina, if this is about that kiss ...
Jaina rolled her eyes, Oh, please. I know what she was trying to do. Im not an idiot. Your former Dozen are very protective of you.
Kyp snorted, Right ...
Im serious. In the last two months, there have been five brawls started by former Dozen pilots. I had to go bail their sorry butts out of the brig myself.
You did that for them?
No one else was going to do it. And, I had a strong suspicion the fights had something to do with you. If some ignorant pilot made a remark about you to me, I wouldve been thrown in the brig myself for decking him.
Not you, Goddess, you would never sink so low as to get into a brawl like some drunken Flight Officer on a three day pass. Kyps tone was playful rather than mocking. That would be beneath your dignity ... what about your pristine military record?
Jaina scowled down at him, My record isnt as pristine as you think, Durron. Ive thrown some punches, or at least I did back when I was a Rogue.
Yeah, well, youll get over it. Speaking of shocked, Colonel Darklighter and I had an interesting chat while we were dancing. Apparently, he and Colonel Celchu are under the mistaken impression that youve broken my heart. Did Colonel Celchu come to you? Did he accuse you of hurting me?
And I told him I had no idea why you were upset. It was the truth because Ive never felt you shielding so hard in your life. Kyp let his rebuke hang in the air between them. He was still smarting from the way Jaina created barriers to keep him from sensing her breakdown. It made Kyp doubt Jainas friendship, and that was like a knife in his gut.
At least, Jaina had the decency to look embarrassed. I didnt know hed blame you. I told him you didnt do anything, and about what Aunt Mara said, and how I feel pulled in different directions. He was so nice about it. He offered to take back my resignation if I wasnt really sure I wanted to leave. It was hard to explain what I was feeling, because both options felt wrong. When you told me about looking for new Jedi, I could tell you were excited. I envy you, at least you know where the Force is leading. Im in the dark. I heard you tell Minda youre leaving in the morning, am I going with you?
If you want to.
I do. Good, at least thats settled. Jaina took a deep breath. Did you ask to buy my X-wing from General Antilles during a Sabaac game?
Kyp groaned and dropped his forehead onto the table with a solid thunk. With so many people watching, he knew it would get back to Jaina. Not exactly.
What exactly did you do, Kyp?
Kyp thunked his forehead, again. The pain was refreshing, and it cleared a little of the drunken numbness out of his brain. I offered my X-wing in trade for yours.
Why? Jaina asked suspiciously.
Kyp opened his mouth, and his soul poured out, Because you wanted to keep your X-wing and it was such an easy thing. Id give my life for you, Jaina, an X-wing is nothing compared to that. You deserved it, and much more. For all the bantha dung youve had to wade through for the sake of winning the war.
Kyp stood up, grabbed Jaina by the upper arms. Dont you dare cry! I really kriffing hate it when you cry.
She could feel the sting of tears coming, but she clamped down on them and wiped impatiently at her eyes. She pushed her emotions away where she wouldnt have to deal with them, as she always did.
Kyp glared at her, because she was doing it, again. The only thing that hurts me worse than seeing you cry is when you hide your feelings from me, like Id think less of you for having emotions. He resisted shaking the Sith out of her, but only just barely. I have emotions, too, you know. Ive fallen in love with you and Ive been telling myself for fifteen years that I wasnt capable of feeling something that powerful ever again. It makes me vulnerable, and I hate being vulnerable. Kriff it all, right now I would do anything for you, probably even follow you right back into the Dark side if you went over again. To stop the flow of his words, Kyp bit down hard on his lip until he tasted blood.
He was such an idiot, he didnt deserve to live. Too much to drink, then she got him angry, and before he knew it he confessed everything, and to the one person who had the power to put a ‘sabre blade right through his heart. Kyp let her go and stalked to the other side of the room. For some reason, he felt better to have a solid object like a table between them. He turned his back on her, and waited for her to deliver the verbal blow that would probably kill him.
Jaina opened her mouth, but her muddled brain cells took time to grasp Kyps words. The several, very important things he had confessed to. I thought that maybe someday, in the future, you would love me. I didnt think ... Youve never ...
I shouldnt have said those things, or kissed you, or anything. Youre still so young, and Ive had too much to drink tonight. Im sorry, Jaina.
Jaina circled the table, closing the distance between them. Shut up, Kyp. Just shut the Sith up and let me say what I need to say, before I ... she ended with a cross between a growl and a scream of frustration. You listen to me, Kyp Durron! Dont you dare apologize for what you just said, unless you didnt mean it. And, if I hadnt wanted you kissing me, oh Great Jedi Master, I wouldve kneed you in the groin. Im a Jedi too, and Ive been trained in hand to hand combat. I can handle myself. He opened his mouth and she clapped a hand over it. I am not some innocent who needs protection from you, Kyp. For the record, I kissed you back and I liked it ...
The flow of words came to an abrupt halt, stopped by Kyps mouth coming down on hers. There was nothing soft or nice about it, it was white-hot fire and they were both going to be burned to ash. Kyp held her against his chest, and his hands seemed to be operating with an agenda of their own, moving over her bare arms and back, memorizing the feel of her.
When he pulled back for air, Kyp sighed, Force help me, youre beautiful when you get angry.
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