Heat: 09 Rating: R
Diana deRiggs

Jagged Fel sat in the transport, which would take him to a public event at which he'd need to deliver a speech. He was reviewing his notes after his aides had briefed him on the topics, the people he'd have to thank and recognize — the usual. They normally withdrew while he was in transit, so he could have a few moments to himself, to formulate his speech and to get into the correct mind frame.

This time, amongst the stack of flimsi notes, he'd hidden a similarly sized piece, onto which was written — with old-fashioned pen and ink — a missive from Jaina. He thought it quaint and charming, for no one ever communicated this way anymore. Nevertheless, it gave Jagged pause, and he found himself uncharacteristically afraid to read the private note. But now, alone, he had no further excuse to delay.


J,

I am yours. That's why I have to go away again, this time forever. I cannot be with you, because as long as we are together, you have complete control over me. I can't let that happen.

J.


Instead of concentrating on his upcoming speech, Jagged stared out the window, thinking to himself, Is this what it feels like to be alone? He stared without seeing anything in particular.

He wondered if he should be feeling worse, but the fact is — he was feeling pretty good.

She didn't have to write him a note, she didn't have to explain. Yet, she had felt compelled to do so. Maybe it was to assuage her own guilt and feelings of confusion, or maybe it was because she cared about him and wanted him to understand. She could have just left, but she hadn't.

He imagined Jaina weeping as she wrote the letter — spots on the paper looked warped, as if it had been wet at some point — trembling as she carefully folded the flimsi into its envelope. Firming her resolve, she might have hesitated as she contacted the messenger droid to deliver the note securely and with haste.

It's quite flattering, really, thought Jagged. Recalling other relationships and other breakups, he couldn't say that any of them had felt like this one.

Breakups had been easy, because he hadn't invested himself into them. They were things one did, they fulfilled a purpose — a selfish purpose, and he had felt not guilt or remorse. As long as his own needs had been satiated, he felt justified in using what was placed before him.

He'd seduced and molested Jaina because he felt that he needed to — but this was different in that he intended to trap her to him, somehow. She wasn't meant to be discarded.

Well, mission accomplished! Jagged congratulated himself, she confessed to belonging to you. It's too heady for her, she needs space, she needs time to adjust to this new truth.

So, do I give her the room, or do I pursue? Is this a challenge to hunt her down like prey? Conquer, rape, pillage? Or do I feign indifference and make her come to me like a hungry snake ready to swallow me whole, like a needy whore?

Jagged allowed himself the luxury to indulge and wallow in questions of self-doubt. When he had been a younger man, he might have cursed Jaina for making him feel this way, but quite frankly, he thought it rather delicious. He'd spent so many years training and serving others, worrying and taking responsibility for things bigger than himself. To revel in his own self-doubt and his own misery was a nice change.

His heart raced at his indecision, and his state of confusion. Never before had his countenance felt so heated, his heart palpitating audibly in his ears!

As his thoughts coursed through his synapses, a smile broke over his eyes, and he poised himself to take the podium at his destination. Yes ... a fine day for a cunt hunt!

She will come to me, he knew this was important. I will be irresistable. I will appear on holos and reports, looking pensive, mercurial, fun-loving, happy ... she will not resist stalking me, quietly. Jaine will be mine, on my terms ... and my terms include complete obsession and addiction to me!

I will give her fodder for regret. I will make her cry into her pillow when no one is looking. She will fuck other men and women and aliens, and find them all lacking what is within me. Sex will be unfulfilling; relationships will be impossible, because of her memory of me!

In the meantime, he would keep track of her. Everything he would do from now till she returns, will be to become attractive and irresistable. He would turn up the heat on his counter-stalking. He will know where she is, and what she is doing — so that he could show up at the right time, and the right place — and seduce her, again.

Resolved, he felt the warmth of having a reason for living. A fine day in his life!

"A fine day ..." he started his speech, standing tall and proud, knowing she would be watching him.


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