Don't Look Back, Part 1 Rating: NC-17
Diana deRiggs

"Anakin, leave me alone," I tried to mean it. It's hard to convey in your voice what you don't mean in your heart.

"I ... I can't." He breathed the words, rather than speaking them.

He didn't need to speak them, for I felt them. I understood, but I had to reject my feelings.

"Why?" I was genuinely frustrated. "Listen! Why can't you leave me alone? You are busy! Our lives are incompatible! Just leave, don't come back." I tried to remain rigid, even icy. "You won't even have to try. It's harder for you to see me than not see me."

He looked up at me, his expression changed and unfathomable.

"Anakin ... we tried. This charade, it's not working; it's ripping us apart from the inside." I was using my senator's voice. It's as effective as Jedi mind control, or so I'm told. At least, it usually is.

He only stared at me, his eyes bright, reflecting the light. He said nothing.

"I worry constantly. I can't think subjectively on the committees on which I sit, not knowing what line items would deprive YOU of resources ... not knowing where you are ... wondering if you'll come back to me. I can't live like that. How can you?" I was getting louder.

"You don't know?" His voice was still low, but it had a dangerous rumble to it. "How could you not know?"

"Know what, Anakin? What should I know?" I was petulant.

He got up. He's much taller than me and towers over me. He stepped slowly toward me, which made me uneasy. He was looming toward me, filling my whole vision.

I walked across the room, away from him, and grabbed his robe, which he'd dropped on the floor when he had come into the room. He'd come to surprise me, an unplanned visit, and startled me when he snuck into the room to embrace me from behind.

The relief of knowing he was safe created a rush of backlogged emotions; rather than being happy to see him, I'd become angry. I was angry that my life was like this, secret, unsecure, vulnerable, with no support ...

He started to accelerate his walk toward me as I picked up his robe, and I discovered that he was coming too close to me for comfort. I don't know what overcame me; I panicked and threw his robe at him, screaming, "Get out! Leave! And when you go, don't look back!" I stepped aside so he could exit, unimpeded.

I saw his eyes, glowering and strange. When I said that last bit, I actually saw sparks smouldering!

Still on the move, he grabbed the robe, clumsily thrown by me, and spread it out, as if to put it on. To my surprise, he rounded about, so that he smoothly forced himself between me and the door. But instead of leaving as I'd ordered, he stopped. I backed away.

He ran at me, and I tried to bolt. To my surprise, the world suddenly went dark and stifling. I struggled, but I was disoriented and didn't have an idea of what had happened!

The next second, I could see and breath, but I realized he'd used his cloak to suround me, and was brutally tying the sleeves around me tight, trapping my arms to my sides. Helpless, I had no choice but to follow him as he dragged me to him.

"Anakin!" I pleaded with him, "Stop! What are you doing?"

His voice husky, "You don't know? Tell me, Padmé, do you really not know?"

I started to cry, "Anakin, you're hurting me!" He was holding me so tightly by the shoulder, glaring at me, that he was shaking me!

"How could you not know that I love you? How could you not understand that I can't leave you?" His fury was drowning me. "All I ask is for your tears ... how precious they are to me! And the fear — yes, even the hatred! — in your eyes, special because that emotion is for me, and me alone!"

"Stop this! It's not working!" I was babbling, trying to regain control as he smothered me in his cloak, tying me tighter, more completely.

He let go, and I started to fall. I shrieked and stumbled, not able to break my fall with my arms, so tightly was I wrapped. But he caught me from behind, and drew me tightly to him again.

"Whether you want me or not, whether you love me or not ... I will never leave you, Padmé. I will defy anyone who separates us — even you!" He voice was loud in my ear, though he may have just been whispering.

The passion in his voice, the pressure of his hands, the heat of being wrapped in the cloak that smelled of Anakin ... I was melting. Emotionally ... physically ...

"No," I whispered. "This isn't right ..." But my heart wasn't in my denial.

"How could you, Padmé? How could you think of a life without me? I failed my mother, Padmé, I told her I'd come back to save her. I will not fail you. I will always come back to you. I will always find a way. I will always look back! You will always be in my sights!"

"No," was all I could manage, very weakly, barely a whisper. I tried to twist out of his grip. I heard him laugh, making me shudder, heightening my awareness!

He spun me and turned me to him. He crushed me to his body and kissed me so hard I knew my lips would be bruised. I could feel his whiskers on his unshaved face, coarsely grating against my skin.

Resistance was useless, and impossible. And not desired.

I struggled to loosen the knots he'd tied in his cloak as we rubbed together. Some part of me held back, screaming that this wasn't right. He should be allowed to do this to me, he should just leave and not look back!

The rest of me was giving in. He loves me, he loves me! Don't resist him!

The more I struggled, the more he entwined me. My hair had become loosened and I felt him wrapping my tresses around his fist. He broke his kiss, but by pulling on my hair, he kept me close to him.

Pulling my head backward, I felt his teeth on my neck, his tongue, his lips. He maneuvered me back and forth as he ravaged my exposed skin. The pain and wetness from his mouth as he breathed and slobbered against me was being reflected in other parts of me.

I was trying hard not to moan. I was already wet and responsive to him when he came in, but this behavior was threatening to make me explode in an unwelcome orgasm!

As I resisted the urge to cry out, he let go of my hair and wrapped his fingers around my neck as he bit my earlobe ... and I couldn't help myself as he squeezed. My voice gave way in this erotic, violent scene and I started to pant and groan as he controlled my access to air.

He didn't ask me what I was feeling ... he knew what he was doing — this was about Anakin's power over me. I felt him crushing his rigidity against me as my climax was building. Holding me so tightly and off balance, I was forced to trust Anakin to protect me from serious injury — even as he was doing violence to me.

I couldn't move ... and I didn't want to. I was drowning in his will, my resistance crushed.

"Anakin," I mouthed, pleading one last time ... I told myself I had to make the effort toward a last protest. He lifted me up by the knot formed by the sleeves of his robe, and spun me around, making me feet stumble and lose contact with the ground. He laughed, "Try to resist me, Padmé! Try to run! Try to leave me ... you'll never succeed!"

He skidded me down onto the carpeted floor. I had closed my eyes, resisting the dizzying, gut-wrenching motions. I squirmed to get away. "Yes, Padmé! Play the game, I'm playing, too!"

I was frightened, wondering if with the war, with the stresses of our marriage, his brain had come undone. I was being imprisoned by a madman!

A very sexy and erotic madman.

One who loves me so much, I could drive him to madness!

And he could make me follow him.

To Part 2 →


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