Dirty Old ... Rating: R

Sometimes, inspiration is not to be denied, nor can it be named. You know who you are ... thanks, you dirty muse! This tale is shamelessly AU, and it assumes Jacen isn't as clueless as canon may have us believe.

Han Solo lay in a post-coital coma-like state, even though he hadn't really exerted any physical effort. He'd simply laid back and enjoyed what was being done to him. The younger, more nubile, woman had taken the initiative, crawling under his bed covers to nuzzle up against his morning erection.

It was so erotic to wake up to the feeling of soft lips and an urgent tongue sucking not-quite-gently on one's member. The type of alarm I'd never resist.

It was even more erotic to not really know who's lips were beneath the blankets, servicing him so enthusiastically! It could have been his wife of over three decades ... or maybe not?

Sensing he was awake, the woman emitted a moan that Han felt rather than heard. At least, he was sure it was a woman; it certainly sounded like a female moaning.

He concentrated momentarily, seeking other clues as to the identity of those powerfully suctioning lips. He felt round, plump breasts resting up against the insides of his thighs. She was lying on her stomach between his knees, and the nail-tipped fingers of one hand lightly scraped his testicles ...

He bucked as the woman's head started pistoning harder against him, forcing the tip of his penis to push and bang against the back of her throat. She'd hold it there, letting her gag reflex massage his cockhead, making him moan and gibber promises he couldn't possibly keep.

He felt for her head, trying to hold it in a position that would escalate him to orgasm. She teased him by bobbing and weaving away, but eventually, she let him hold her down. She wrapped her arms around his hips and held on as he pushed and pulled her head, fucking her mouth like a vagina!

To a man, a mouth is often much nicer than a vagina, for the presence and action of a tongue. She wriggled her tongue side to side as he pumped his penis into her mouth, even being stimulated by the occasional scraping of her back teeth.

He felt her angle her body so her hips straddled his knee, feeling her rub her very wet, drippy pussy on him. He knew that the woman must be fatter than usual; he could feel a roundness to her belly as she mounted him. The feeling on her wet, drooling mouth and the hot breath contained by the blanket was coupled with her humping his leg. It was nasty and primal and he loved it ...

He exploded into her mouth without warning, and he swore at her, demanding she take his seed down her filthy gullet. She didn't resist, like most women he knew. He felt her swallow rhythmically, applying even more suction. He felt her continue to suckle him as his orgasm subsided and his penis lost its hardness.

Even after his erection had withered and receded, she continued to suck and lick and moan. He felt her wet sex roughly riding up against his calloused knee, the one which was twinging with arthritis lately. Han had to admit, the wet warm massage made it feel a lot better. Knowing the woman was getting off on his knee like a domesticated pet was a nice touch, too.

He fell asleep as she lay on on the lower half of his body, panting. He should have offered to cuddle her, or at least opened the blanket to give her some air. But he couldn't help it. Why is it that a man's orgasm completely drains him, whether he was energetic in the coupling ... or not? Why am I so tired ... I didn't do anything ... zzzz ...

* * * * *

He woke up a bit later and felt the moist tropical heat around his groin and hips, and stickiness down one leg. That's how he knew it hadn't been a dream. And the smell when he finally opened his blanket was pretty definitive, too.

The source of the heat and dampness was gone, however. He was actually pretty relieved; there would be no awkward greetings, or the need to address who she was. There would be no political uncomfortableness. He could go about life as if he'd dreamt it, despite the evidence to the contrary.

After a session in the refresher and putting on fresh clothes, Han limped a bit — the stiffness in his knees had returned — down to the kitchen of the apartment, and was greeted by his wife and daughter, and a gaggle of Jaina's friends who'd come the previous night for a weekend stay.

Han and Leia's two surviving children tried to see their parents more often these days. They usually brought a friend or two along, as if to help fill the emptiness left by the death of their brother, Anakin.

Jaina and her girlfriends were on their way out to do some shopping, and his daughter leaned up to kiss her old man on the cheek before heading out. Han checked each of them out as they filed past, giving each a hug, trying to imagine if any of them might have been the mysterious woman who had awoken him so pleasantly a few hours ago. He remembered the rounded belly and soft breasts, and realized these women were too fashionably lanky and tall to qualify.

Still, a pleasant research project! He felt like a dirty old man, and the thought made him grin giddily.

He was in a good humor, thinking of himself as the equivalent of the prince in the old Corellian fairy tale, Cendrillonae. The prince identified Cendrillonae via the fitting of a glass slipper on the foot of the maidens throughout the land. He'd met his perfect woman at a dance, and he desired to possess her again. Han's version would have the prince fitting his penis into a variety of mouths, trying to find that perfect blowjob!

Who cares how many blowjobs I'd have to endure, eh? He sighed longingly at the thought, letting a lustful twinkle brighten his eyes.

"You're looking chipper today ... not your usual late-rising grumpy self," commented his wife, Leia. She signalled for the service 'droid to prepare some caf for her husband.

He kissed her cheek, breathing in her smell. It must have been her, he thought. She has a bit of a belly now, but not at all bad for a woman of her age; heck, not bad for a woman half her age!

"And good day to you, my beautiful princess," he responded. "I love you more than life itself!" He held her face in his hands and gave her a sloppy, teen-holo style kiss.

He heard a laugh, and turned to see Jacen coming into the apartment. "Jacen! Come to visit your old, gray parents! You just missed Jaina and her gaggle."

"Dad, you're getting too old ... I came in late last night. I've just been out for a jog to avoid all that estrogen. You don't remember?"

"Don't admonish your father," scolded Leia, still aglow. "He's in a rare mood. He was just telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me; he's gone mad, but don't ruin the moment! Where is Tenel Ka, by the way?"

"Tenel Ka is here, too? Did she come in last night? Oy, I am getting old," complained Han. "Either that, or you're playing tricks on this old man!"

"She's just ... uh, Mom ... Dad ... there's something I need to tell you about ... about Tenel Ka." Jacen suddenly looked nervous.

Both Leia and Han became concerned. They'd known Tenel Ka since before she was born. In fact, she could have been Leia's daughter; the Hapan princess was the daughter of Isolder, who had once aggressively courted Leia. Isolder had eventually married a woman who had originally set her sights on Luke Skywalker, Jacen's uncle. Tenel Ka had avoided being related to them only by sheer coincidence.

"Is she all right? Now that you mention it, she looked a little pale last night," asked Leia.

"She's ... well, I can't say she's fine. But maybe she's better than fine! You know she became Queen Mother ... her life's all turvy now. But ... well, before I tell you, you have to swear, you won't repeat any of what I tell you!" Jacen's voice had dropped to a furtive whisper.

Han laughed and slapped Jacen on the back, "Finally! So you're going to end up as her highness's breeding stud? Believe me, there are few things as terrible as being married to royalty! Ow!!" Leia, princess of Alderaan, had jabbed him with a fork at his reference to her provenance.

Jacen looked stunned. "H ... How ... did you know ... that Tenel Ka and I ..."

"We didn't, dear," soothed his mother. "At least not until you told us, just now."

Han laughed again. "I may be old, Jacen ... but I'm not blind. And if I'm not mistaken, you have been quite a bit less ... well, fussy as of late ... which an old spice smuggler like me knows means you're getting laid!"

"Han!" That was Leia, "Stop teasing the boy!"

"But," interrupted Jacen, "I'm not! I mean, that's not ... it's not all!"

"Ooh, don't tell me ... your mother and I are going to be grandparents?? Why you randy son-of-a-gun! That's great!" Han was beaming. Leia looked wide-eyed and surprised but seemed to be quite pleased.

"That's why I'm not ... well, I'm not having sex with her ... because of the baby ..." Jacen almost looked like he'd cry.

"Oh!" His mother took his hand, "You needn't worry! The baby is quite safe inside."

"Yeah," agreed Han, "and if she's anything like your mother ... let's just say your mother was so horny when she was pregnant that she would have blown a dirty old ... OWWW!!" Leia had jabbed him with the fork again, harder this time. Han slapped her hand away and rubbed the bruise fiercely. "That hurt, your worship!" Then he looked back at Jacen, "How do you think you and Jaina ended up being twins — OW! Stop it!"

As his parents fought over custody of the fork his mother was weilding as a weapon, Jacen became more urgent, almost desperate. "But ... oh sith, don't say anything!" Jacen was still tense, despite the delivery of his big news and his parents' rather casual acceptance of these life-altering facts. "You have to understand, I can't be a Hapan prince! And she is still dealing with the court intrigue ... her grandmother likely killed her mother. She ..."

"We understand, darling," Leia hugged him. "You know you can trust us."

"Not even to Uncle Luke ... especially not to him! And not to Jaina ... Tenel Ka doesn't even know I'm letting you two know. She wants no interference, no investigations. She's in hiding for the moment; we won't be able to stay long here. I'd hate for a war to break out over this ..." Jacen was still whispering furtively.

Han smiled, "We're not new to intrigue or war, boy. Remember, I'm a seasoned veteran, a grizzled old man, and — hey! How are you, little lady?"

Jacen jumped out of his chair, realizing that Han had spotted Tenel Ka coming downstairs. He ran up and put his arms around her as she descended, as if protecting something very precious.

As well he should, mulled Han, and he stood up to give the future mother of his grandchild a hug when she approached, arms open.

He was startled by the warmth of Tenel Ka's hug, and of her closeness as she pressed her body to him. But he was more stunned by the feel of her breasts against him, and that slight roundness to what had been a flat belly only a few months before ...

Tenel Ka? My son's lover? She's pregnant, and Jacen hasn't been doing her ... she must be horny enough to blow a dirty old ... oh ... no ... oh, oh my ...!

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