Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Vegetarian Chili, for Vegetarian Burgers
Featuring Non-Abused Vegetable Flesh Only!
by Susu

Being in commandoes sometimes means being tapped by other agencies to do undercover work. It's good experience, and Kell Tainer often went deep undercover, for despite his good looks, he was otherwise rather unmemorable. Many people were unable to remember what he looked like afterwards. His large size lent credibility to some of the more nefarious activities he might have had to be involved in.

You do what you need to do when undercover, to accomplish your goals, to preserve your cover, whatever. You sleep with the enemy, eat at his table, watch his back, all for a chance to get close enough to make the sting when and where it counts. It's a matter of doing your job, and of survival in a hostile environment.

Once, Kell was in with a group of left-wing nuts, extreme in their thoughts, manners, and politics. They were not dangerous in the usual sense, but it was suspected that members of the group were fencing glitterstim, on behalf of more dangerous criminals. He was assigned to finger those guilty members, and to shut down that link.

He spent six long months undercover as one of them. He said the hardest part was their diet!

Vegans all, their policy was "unprocessed, non-abused vegetable flesh only" and to fit in, Kell suffered their often bland or overly spicy tablefare. Finally, driven to distraction at the clumsy, uninspired meals, he took matters into his own hands and offered to give the cook a day off. He got some soy patties from his rations and marinated them in a tasty, barbeque-style sauce, so they were well-steeped with burger-style flavor, and made a chili to pour over them. Served in a whole wheat split bun with a vegetable oil melting cheese, Kell closed his eyes and tasted the chiliburger of his personal paradise.

After the sting was completed, Kell ran -- not walked -- to a burger restaurant, and ate the "real" version of this dish ... and was ill for two weeks. He had to admit that the diet he suffered with the leftists really was better for him, and he is aghast to notice that he actually prefers the vegetarian version of chili cheeseburgers! He does make some amendments though, going for a tasty white bread bun, a soy-beef patty substitute, and real cheese made with milk. But the chili is still "unprocessed, non-abused vegetable flesh only"!

  • 1/2 cup bulghur wheat or couscous
  • 2 cups tomato juice
  • 3 tablespoons oil
  • 1 large onion, chopped
  • 2 karge cloves garlic,minced
  • 3 tablespoons chili powder
  • 4 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
  • 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • pinch ground cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 1 can (28 oz) tomatoes, chopped, in juice or purée
  • 2 cups vegetable stock or broth
  • 1 red bell pepper, seeded, chopped
  • 1 1/2 cups (12 oz) cooked beans, canned or frozen
  • 1 1/2 cups (12 oz) baby lima beans, canned or frozen
  • 1 1/2 cups corn kernals
Place the wheat in a bowl and cover with tomato juice. Let stand 1 to 2 hours. In a small bowl, combine spices, salt and pepper, and put this mixture aside.

Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic. Stir to cook, about 10 minutes. Dump spices over the onions and cook with stirring for about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes and vegetable stock. Heat to boiling and reduce the heat. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Add the bell pepper, reserved bulghur or couscous, and beans. Stir often and cook uncovered 25 minutes. If too dry, add more broth; too wet, boil for a bit longer. Add lima beans and corn, cook 10 minutes, and serve.

Serves 6 as a main meal, serves about 10 as part of a chili burger.

Burger Assembly:
  1. Per person or serving, get a round bun, a cooked Boca burger (follow cooking instructions on the package), two slices of cheese, in addition to the chili.
  2. In a hot oven, toast rolls for a while till crisp on the outside and soft inside. Split horizontally with a serrated knife.
  3. Lay a piece of cheese -- Kell likes muenster -- on the bottom of the bun, place a cooked Boca burger on the cheese, then lay another slice of cheese over the burger.
  4. Ladle about 1/2 to 1 cup of chili over the burger.
  5. Really messy to eat, so have plenty of napkins!

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