Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Spinning Steak for a Shattered Sanity
by McGonaGirl

No one really knows how Bertha Jorkins died, other than Voldemort matter-of-factly stated to Wormtail that she had to be killed. She went on a holiday to Albania, of all places ... and alas encountered Voldemort and Peter Pettigrew. They knew she worked for the Ministry of Magic and probed her memory to get information. They discovered that she had suffered a memory charm because she knew that Barty Crouch, Jr. was not dead. In breaking the charm, they ruined her mind, and it was supposed that Pettigrew had killed her.

In truth, the cowardly Pettigrew did not do her in, as he'd been ordered. He did follow her as she wandered raving and stumbling through the woods, but to his horror she came upon the campfire of the Two Fat Saxon Witches. They'd just spot-welded a new type of cooking contraption -- their idea of a fun vacation. They were experimenting with lowering and raising the grill over the fire, hanging the meat on the sides of the grill to finish cooking it at a lower heat, twirling it on a chain to get the meat to cook evenly, etc. The flickering of the fire and the spinning cone-shaped grill mesmerized the poor, crazed woman and Bertha just fell to her knees and stared at the cooking meat.

The Saxon Witches are famed and feared throughout the wizarding world, but curiously, no one knows for what reason ... it was just simply known that you should not cross them if you valued your health. Knowing this, Pettigrew dared not get closer, for being a true coward, he didn't want to experience their wrath first-hand. But he feared the dark lord more, so sat miserably in the cold, wet weather for many days and watched the witches tend to the suffering Bertha Jorkins. They wrapped her in a light blue parka and kept her as comfortable as they could, saying spells to stop her shivering and shuddering, feeding her nourishing bits of meat from the fire, but mostly, letting her stand and stare at the revolving grill and the fire. She'd grow hysterical if they tried to bring her inside their tent. It seemed to be the only thing that calmed her was watching the fire and the circling grill. She stopped babbling and shaking, and Pettigrew grew fearful that she'd get better and tell what she knew ...

However, he ended up taking the credit for Bertha's death when in fact, the poor girl calmed down so much so that her brain stilled and her heart slowed ... and she died quietly while in the care of the compassionate Saxon pair. They reported her death in their own good time, though, which did have the Ministry of Magic in a kerfuffle!

  • 7 lbs / 3 kg london broil, flank, skirt, or brisket steak, about 1 inch / 2½ cm thick
  • 2 tablespoons garlic powder
  • 2 tablespoons kosher salt
  • 2 tablespoons black pepper, cracked coarsely
Prepare a wood or charcoal fire till the ashes are white and the fire is hot. Rub the steaks with garlic powder, salt and pepper and let sit while the fire is prepared. Place the grill almost directly over the coals, and sear the meat for about 4 or 5 minutes per side. Don't poke it or turn it more than once. After that time, move the grill rack to about a foot away from the coals and continue cooking till it's done as you like it, about 10 minutes for rare, 20 for medium and 30 minutes for well done. Remember that the more it's cooked, the tougher the end result for fibrous meats. Let the meat rest off the heat for about 5 or 10 minutes before serving. To serve, slice the meat into ¼"/½cm strips across the grain of the meat (going with it will just keep the servings tough). Serves up to 30.


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