Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Rivendell Highland Platter
by Thrawn McEwok, MaceVindaloo

When Frodo and Sam ran from Mt. Doom, they thought they were dead for sure — but then Gandalf arrived with the eagles, and off they sped to Rivendell. A huge feast had already commenced, for news of the One Ring's destruction had preceded the heroes; in fact, by the time they arrived, the food available was down to scraps and leftovers, so enthusiastically had the revelers imbibed!

Oh, but what scraps! The hobbits don't get much seafood or high mountainfood, located as they are in the Shire, and when asked what they'd like, that's what they craved. The talented Elvish cooks and the Corsairs of Umbar (for the seafood, of course) cobbled together this tasty mini-buffet for the Fellowship to enjoy at their leisure. Which they did, enough to get giddy and relaxed, their long and dangerous ordeal already fading into the realms of memory ...

    Cook's Note: Something I knocked up very quickly from odds and ends after a party a few years ago, when no-one felt like going out to the shops: a hearty meal that serves 6 to 8 hung-over people. Quantities are approximate, as are the ingredients — I had small packs of salmon and mussels, about nine oysters, and no lobsters. In the UK, Loch Fyne is probably the best source for shellfish (particularly oysters), and my soup was simply Baxter's brand.

  • 1 can cullen skink (traditional Scottish chowder-like soup made from haddock) or clam chowder
  • 1 can lobster bisque
  • selection of wines and liquors, such as: champagne (chilled), guinness (chilled), whisky (single malt), Gros Plant du Pays Nantais VDQS (chilled), etc.
  • 1 ordinary lettuce
  • fresh oysters or squat lobsters (munida rugosa — long-clawed squat lobster, or langoustine; or galathea nexa, the squat lobster), one per person
  • oatcakes, one per person (or good crackers)
  • smoked mussels, one per person
  • smoked salmon or gravadlax, half to two slices per person
  • condiments, to taste (tabasco, soy sauce, lemon, etc.)
  • lemon, cut into wedges, one wedge per person
Following the instructions on the cans, put the two cans of soup into one large pot or saucepan, over a medium heat. Serve the soup and put out the alcohol, and let everyone squabble over who's getting what.

While they're arguing, nip back into the kitchen. Wash and dry the lettuce and shuck the oysters.

Place an oatcake on each plate, then layer a slice or two of salmon over, and place a few smoked muscles strategically on the side. Add an oyster and/or squattie to each plate, and garnish with fresh lettuce, daubs/small pots of sauce, slices of lemon, et cetera.

Serve immediately! Serves as many as you wish, depending how you lay out the ingredients.

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