Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Piggy's Macho Birthday Dinner
by Susu & Wraith6

Voort saBinring, nicknamed "Piggy," is a Gamorrean unlike any other. He's not violent, he is a mathematical and analytical genius, and he's considerate and sensitive. Other Gamorreans, male and female, considered him substandard, a sissy ... and they wouldn't have anything to do with him. This didn't bother Piggy, since he found his fellows rather boorish, in more ways than one. But the accusation of being a sissy often stuck at him and sometimes made him sad.

When that happened, he'd create something with machismo and panache ... something macho and big! And he'd invite his friends from Wraith Squadron, who appreciated him almost more than any other group ever had. This little depression always seem to coincide around the day Piggy considered his birthday. He didn't actually know what day he was born, but he knew from medical records what day he was treated with chemicals and hormones to elevate him out of his natural Gamorrean tendencies ... Maybe it was coincidence, but that day always filled him with dread as it approached.

This is the big, bold, manly menu he always served. His friends loved it, almost as much as they loved him! And that always made him feel good enough to survive another year as an unique and sensitive Gamorrean.

Menu: Big Grilled Steaks | Grilled Vegetables | Switch-Hitting Mushrooms | Salt-Crusted Potatoes | Excessively Piggy Candy Rolls



Big Grilled Steaks
The cut of beef is important here. You will be exposing the meat to high fire for both effect and for flavor, so it should be something tender and flavorful with plenty of fat. The ideal cut is often called "delmonico" or "ribeye" -- it often has a rib bone down one side, a nice "eye" of steak, and a good bit of sweet fat surrounding the eye. Make sure it's between 1" to 1¼" thick (about 2 cm), so you can have enough pink in the middle to please everyone, whether they like it "black and blue" ultra rare, or medium. Don't allow anyone to eat it cooked more than medium. (Call them a sissy and make them bring their own food!)
  • one steak per person, between 1 and 2 lbs. apiece (0.5 to 1 kg)
  • coarse sea salt, to taste
  • freshly ground pepper, to taste
You will need a griddle pan, the type with raised grids on it, or do this on a hot grill. Heat the oven to 325°F/145°C. Heat the griddle pan or grill till it's really really hot.

Place the steak on the pan and let it sear -- there will be a lot of smoke and smell and splatter and noise. Growl in a manly fashion. Leave it alone for 2 to 3 minutes, then lift up the steak, and rotate it 90° on place it on a new part of the griddle, if possible. You are making cross-hatched grillmarks, very manly and sexy. After about 2 minutes, flip the steak over and repeat on the other side.

At this point, only the outside of the big steak will be cooked. Stick it in the oven till it's cooked to your liking. Only a sissy would use a thermometer here, poke the steak instead. What should it feel like? Bring the tips of your thumb and forefinger of the same hand together, like an "okay" sign. Poke the skin on the back of your hand between the finger and thumb. That's rare. Ring finger and thumb together, that bit of flesh feels like medium. Pinky tip to thumb, well done. Seriously, don't go to the pinky.

Remove the steaks from the oven and let them rest about 5 minutes before serving. Season with salt and pepper (the coarser the grind, the more macho!). Serve one per person with big, chunky serrated steak knives!

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Grilled Vegetables
While the steaks are roasting in the oven, Piggy takes advantage of the still-hot griddle to cook up the vegetables. Actually, it appeals to him to use the already-hot pan, it's like getting two dishes for almost one effort. Note that these are not delicate, leafy things. These are big, bold veggies, complete with grill marks! You can opt for the criss-cross hatch marks, or just the stripes, but either way, it's very manly. Piggy DARES anyone who calls himself a man to not eat them!
    as many vegetables as you'd like, including:
  • mushroom caps
  • zucchini
  • eggplant
  • onions
  • peppers, or any other vegetable that is fairly firm
  • coarse sea salt, to taste
  • black pepper, freshly ground
  • olive oil (optional)
Prepare the vegetables: peel the mushroom caps and soak in water for a couple of minutes. Slice the zucchini, eggplant and onions a bit less than ½" thick (about 1 cm), either the long way or crosswise, whichever you think will fit on your griddle better. Brush the griddle with oil as it heats. When it's really hot, place the vegetables on the griddle and leave it for a minute till the grillmarks are formed. If you want them cooked more, you can rotate them 90° to form the cross-hatches. If not, just flip over and cook till they're as done as you like, about 6 minutes per side. The vegetables will be sweeter and take on a wonderful smoky flavor. Place on a serving platter and season with salt and pepper; drizzle with olive oil if you are that way inclined.

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Switch-Hitting Mushrooms
This is an alternative idea for using mushrooms if you want to make a sort of sauce for the steak, instead of grilling them. Or maybe in addition to ... it's good! This dish can switch-hit as either a side dish or a sauce, and men will love it either way. The cumin gives it a "smoky" flavor men seem to adore, and garlic is as manly as they get, right?

  • 4 tablespoons butter
  • 1½ lb/750g mushrooms, sliced (can buy them already sliced if you prefer, how's that for a manly preparation!)
  • 2 cloves garlic, minces (about a teaspoon of pre-chopped garlic from a jar, if you prefer)
  • 1 teaspoon powdered cumin
  • salt, to taste
  • pepper, to taste
Met the butter in a saucepan, then toss in the garlic and cook for about a minute. Throw in the mushrooms and cook till the mushrooms get soft and exude their liquid. Stir it up so that the sauce sort of emulsifies a bit and thickens. Add the cumin, and salt and pepper to taste. Serve as a sauce over the steak. Or as a great side dish.



Back to the Menu: Piggy's Macho Birthday Dinner


Salt-Crusted Baked Potatoes
Piggy liked potatoes, and he liked them baked. That's no surprise, since he's male, of course. This is an easy recipe and allows for effortless organization, in that it can be done in the oven about an hour before the steaks start to grill, so that everything can be done at the same time. Piggy also likes this treatment because then he doesn't have to remember to turn the oven on for finishing the steaks -- anything to save a step and it appeals to his mathematical and organizational preferences!

  • 1 floury/mealy potato per person (Idaho baking potatoes; Russet Burbanks are good)
  • vegetable oil
  • coarse salt
Heat the oven to 400°F/185°C. Wash and scrub the potatoes well and dry them. Cover them with oil, rubbing all over, then sprinkle with salt. Place on a rack and put into the oven. Bake for an hour or more, till a knife or skewer poked in goes through easily. (Actually, if you prefer to bake them at the lower heat that the meat will cook, just bake them for longer than the prescribed hour.) Serve as is without additional seasoning (though a pat of butter or sour cream will never be neglected!).

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Excessively Piggy Candy Rolls
As Piggy is not really a pig or a gornt, he can't be accused of cannibalism here. How much more manly and ingredient can you offer than bacon, in any case? And how about a dessert made from bacon?? The Wraiths always squeal with simultaneous disgust and glee when Piggy brings out the brown paper sack full of porky delights. It's the type of excessive treat that finishes an indulgent dinner to perfection. And since it's a birthday dinner, each little roll can have a candle stuck in it and the rolls arranged on a plate like a cake, then light. Make a wish, then watch as everyone eyes each other to see who dares to take the first piece ... don't worry, there is never any left! (Some of the manlier Wraiths even like it on ice cream ... imagine that!)

  • sliced streaky bacon
  • brown sugar
  • black pepper
  • choppped nuts (optional)
Heat the oven to 350°F/160°C. In a paper or plastic sack, place all the ingredients and shake, coating the bacon with everything else (that's why there aren't any quantities listed, you'll have to feel it out). When coated to your liking, take the piece out one at a time and roll them up and afix with a toothpick. Place on a wire rack which is set atop a baking tray. Pop in the oven till crispy, about 30 minutes. Drain on paper towels or let them drip in the tray. Serve with extra sugar mixture if you'd like.

Back to the Menu: Piggy's Macho Birthday Dinner

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