Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Oeufs Nausea
or why Erisi learned to poach eggs
by SuSu

Erisi Dlarit led a hard life, despite her privileged birth. Think about it -- she's beautiful, rich, sexy ... and men wanted her for a variety of reasons, none of them sincere or long-term. So she developed into a brat, taking and dumping them before they really had a chance to do it to her first.

But once, she ran into a guy who didn't take the hint, no matter how strong it was. She'd want him to get lost, but he'd stay and stay, till she would get sick thinking about going to bed, just to see him there in the morning yet again. She'd pick fights, be nasty, bring other men, and there he'd be, not even fighting back! He sat around her apartment, drank her alcohol and ate her food. It was this last item that gave her the idea for this recipe.

No man who'd had too much to drink the night before could deal with this breakfast dish. The color of the eggs could be politely termed "corpse-like"! They actually tasted very good, but one look and the man in question bolted, never to return. He probably never heard Erisi shrieking after him, "Die, bitch! And don't you dare come back!"

  • bottle of dry red wine
  • 2 eggs per person, or more, for appropriate effect
In a skillet that has a lid, pour in wine till there's about three inches of liquid in there. Heat the wine till its simmering, then turn it down to low, just to maintain the simmer.

Crack the eggs into a small bowl, one per bowl (you can use teacups, ramikins, whatever). Lower the lip of the little bowl about an inch into the liquid and "slip" the egg carefully into the liquid. Put the lid on the skillet and turn off the heat. Leave it on for the specified times:

runny yolk 1 to 2 minutes
soft yolk 3 minutes
medium yolk 5 minutes
hard yolks 10 minutes

Remove the eggs with a slotted spoon. Drain them briefly on paper towels, of if you really want a gross effect, just dump them with a bit of poaching liquid onto a plate. And you might want the eggs on THAT side of raw. Let them jiggle in a horrifying shiver.

The whites will be a disgusting purple color. If you wish, make a gravy of sorts with the hot purple poaching liquid, to enhance the experience. Suggested accompaniments: overbuttered soggy but greasy toast, cold coffee, limp parsley.

(In truth, these are good eggs! You may need to close your eyes to eat them, though. For a more traditional poached egg, use water and a tablespoon of vinegar (try cider or malt vinegar) as the poaching liquid. You can put these eggs in a bowl of cold water, cover the bowl, then leave in the refrigerator for up to 24 hours. Re-heat them in a pot of boiling water for 15 to 30 seconds, drain and serve.)

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