Wookiee Hut Cuisine presents:
Non-Troublesome Coffee Ice
by SuSu, MaceVindaloo

It surprised everyone that River Tam — as smart as she was — could not figure out how to eat an ice planet. That's the icy treat on a string you see her trying to get into her mouth at the start of the episode called "The Message," and she declared, "My food is troublesome." Eventually, the merc Jayne Cobb showed her how: put it in a bowl and crush it up with a spoon. "Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't figure out how to eat an ice-planet," he mumbled.

Later, River complained that putting the refreshing treat on a string, attached to a stick, was ridiculous. Why not just serve it up already crushed? And why form it into a ball in the first place, unless it couldn't help being formed that way ... perhaps it was formed in a vacuum? And why, for that matter, just use plain ice? Why not flavor it with something?

To prove her point, she looked around for a likely flavoring, and discovered that there was always leftover coffee in Serenity's galley. And what did she use for the chiller? She just put on a space suit and carried the pan into the airlock and created a partial vacuum. That way, the liquid wouldn't turn into a hard sphere right away, and she could crush the not-quite-frozen-hard things with a fork and scrape them into a serving bowl. Rather troublesome to make, but divine to eat.

Jayne had to admit that River was right about the ice planet ... compared to this very refreshing granular treat, ice planets were ridiculously troublesome, and this thing River created was much tastier, too!


  • 4 cups / 1 quart / 1 litre strong coffee or espresso, leftover black coffee is great
  • 1 cup sugar
If the coffee is still hot, place in a metal bowl or pan and add the sugar, stirring till dissolved. If it's cold, you can heat it in over the stovetop or in a microwave. Let the mixture cool to room temperature, then place in the freezer until ice forms. It should not be solid all the way through, but instead be quite liquidy in the center with big ice crystals forming along the edges of the pan or bowl. With a fork or spoon, scrape up the crystals to crush them and break them into the chilly liquid, and the return the pan to the freezer. Repeat every 30 minutes till the mixture is very granular and icy. Serves 8.


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