Hogwarts House Elves Emancipation Tea
For the Benefit of SPEW: Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare!
by Rosie, Susu, Hermi2, Norbert, and Fluffy
Hermione Granger was furious that Wizards and Witches would take advantage of poor House Elves, whom she felt were treated as slaves. They were unpaid, unseen, and made to do the heavy and hot labor of many wizard homes and institutions; she was aghast that Hogwarts School was guilty of this as well.
When her grass-roots campaign, SPEW, failed to raise sympathy or notice, she resolved to make the residents of Hogwarts at least appreciate the work the House Elves did for them. She slyly announced a High Tea for the Elves, to thank them for their sacrifice. She bullied, cajoled, and wheedled students, enlisting them to perform kitchen and serving duties.
Many students were enthusiastic, thinking they'd enjoy their time in the kitchens instead of in classes. They were forbidden from using magic to create the cookies for the tea, but many of them had lived with Muggles and didn't think this would be any hardship.
What ensued could only be called uncontrolled mayhem. The students and teachers dropped flour, ripped open sugar bags, smeared butter all over everything! It was a disaster, till Headmaster Albus Dumbledore came downstairs to observe this social experiment. Amused, he allowed the professors to use magic to help, and also asked some of the House Elves -- especially Dobby and Winky, who were paid wages -- to supervise.
The results were actually quite good -- the cookies came out very well, the whole school thoroughly enjoyed the formal Tea, and the Witches and Wizards came away from the experience with their eyes opened to the hard and skilled work the House Elves performed for their benefit. But to Hermione's dismay, the magic folk ended up more resolved to keep the institution and tradition of House Elves, now that they understood how indispensible they were!
Elegant Chocolate Diamonds
Professor McGonagall always admired this rich cookie, but respected the House Elves too much to ask for the spell or recipe to create them. She relished the opportunity to try her hand at it. She was disappointed at how hot and crumbly cooking like a Muggle was, and kept burning her fingers in the chocolate dip. She used this excuse to lick her fingers, claiming to need to cool them off! She was very lady-like, of course.
Mix the ingredients to form dough. Knead just enough to hold the dough ball together. Divide the dough into 3 equal portions. Knead the smaller dough ball till smooth, but be careful not to over knead or it will be tough. Roll the dough out to 1/8 to ¼ inch thickness in a rectangular shape to cover the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish.
Place the dough into the pan. Spoon ½ of the jar of apricot preserves onto the dough and spread out evenly. Spread one cup of ground walnuts evenly over the preserves. Repeat with the second portion of the dough and remaining preserves and walnuts and cover with the rolled out final portion of dough.
Bake for 40 to 45 minutes till it is a rich golden brown. Let cool in the pan for 10 minutes. Loosen edges from pan and turn out onto a flat surface to finish cooling upside down.
Melt the semi-sweet chocolate over low heat until smooth. Pour the chocolate onto the cookie dough and spread evenly to cover it. Allow the chocolate to cool completely. Trim the edges then cut in 1 inch strips. Cut each strip on the diagonal into diamonds. Arrange on a serving plate in a starburst pattern.
Linzer Rings That Have Survived the Poltergeist
Peeves the Poltergeist rattled around the kitchen, harassing the inexperienced cooks. But mostly, he really enjoyed hovering around Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, who were carefully rolling out and cutting the discs and rings for this delectable treat. He'd tell them the rings were off-center, their dough was lumpy, their discs were the wrong size, generally harassing and frustrating them. Finally, when the crispy, frangible biscuits were carefully pulled from the oven, Peeves blew hard across them, chilling them too fast. The contrast between the hot, hot pan and the cold air above caused the rings to shatter! Ron smacked Peeves with a hot cookie tray, but the poltergeist vanished before impact -- and Ron was fined 5 House Points for making an unnecessary and violent mess!
Combine all of the ingredients and knead the dough until smooth being careful not to over-knead. Roll the dough out to 1/8 inch thickness. Using a 2 ¾ inch round cookie cutter and a 1 inch round cutter to cut rings and circles. Make extra rings because they'll have a tendency to burn more quickly and taste bitter.
Bake the circles and rings for 10 to 15 minutes, but watch them very carefully to prevent them from burning. Cool them on a rack.
To assemble the cookies, first dust the rings with powdered sugar. Put a scant teaspoon of raspberry preserves onto a cookie circle and spread. Top with a sugared ring. Arrange carefully on a serving plate to avoid disturbing the powdered sugar too much.
Half-Giant Walnut Rolls
Groundskeeper Rubeus Hagrid declared, "Oim a bit o' a nut m'self, and these are roight big'ns, so I'll have a go!" He liked to be involved, especially in causes that advocated the disenfranchised, the misunderstood, or the downtrodden. He didn't quite put House Elves in these categories, but he did enjoy making these giant rolls for the tea!
Makes 3 rolls
Divide the dough into 3 or 4 even portions. Roll each portion out into a rectangular shape approximately 9x12 inches. Drop 3 to 4 generous tablespoons of walnut filling onto the dough and spread out almost to the edge of the dough. Sprinkle a small handful of golden raisins onto the walnut filling. Roll the dough up tightly lengthwise and tuck the ends under.
Place each roll onto a jelly roll pan. Depending on the final size of the rolls, 1 pan will hold 2 or 3 rolls. Brush the rolls with an egg wash then bake for 30 minutes or until rich golden brown. Allow to cool, then slice ¼ to ½ inch thick on a diagonal. Arrange with the slices slightly spread out on a rectangular serving plate.
Disappearing Vanilla Walnut Crescents
Fleur de la Coeur remembered these buttery cookies from her home in France. But Viktor Krumm remembered them from his Bulgarian abode! How did the same recipe show up in two different cultures? On top of that, Cedric Diggory remembered visiting his great-grandmother and enjoying these, too. Did the Goblet of Fire deliberately select candidates who had imbibed in these yummy classics? The three of them argued as they rolled out the dough snakes. The argument got really heated during the sugar-coating stage, and some Floo Powder got mixed in with the sugar! The cookies kept disappearing, and each of them accused the other two of eating the morsels. The House Elves laughed and laughed as the cookies showed up on a huge platter on the other end of the kitchen!
Combine all of the ingredients to form a soft dough. Turn the dough out onto a floured board and knead until smooth being careful not to over-knead. Divide the dough into 4 portions.
Roll the smaller portion of dough by hand into a snake about 1 inch in diameter. Cut the dough snake with a knife into 1 inch pieces. Roll each piece into a small crescent shape. These cookies will not rise or spread on the cookie sheet so they can be spaced fairly closely. You should be able to fit at least 4 dozen onto 1 cookie sheet. Repeat these steps with the remaining dough.
Bake for 7 to 10 minutes, longer if necessary, but watch carefully so they don't burn. Remove from oven and toss still warm crescents in powdered sugar to coat using a fork to toss and remove from the sugar. These cookies can be arranged in a floral or starburst pattern or just piled high onto the serving plate.
Non-Explosive Orange Balls
Seamus Finnegan and Neville Longbottom found themselves assigned to make rum balls, a traditional Christmas season sweetmeat. Though forbidden to use magic, the boys could not locate the rum or rum flavoring required. Neville desperately tried to stop him, but Seamus swore his "water to rum" spell has been perfected, and he furtively pulled out his wand and mumbled the incantation, swishing and flicking over the bowl of water on the floor. The explosion destroyed the whole liqueur cabinet and set fire to a stack of tea towels! Hermione grimly took away their wands and re-assigned them this very simple recipe. She did inspect their hands, though.
Guilt-Free Baked Meringue Kisses
Winky the House Elf was in mourning at being fired from her job with the Crouch family, and took solace in butterbeer. She tried to help Fred and George Weasley whip the whites stiff, but the pranksters kept fooling her, till she was at wit's end and spilled the butterbeer into the batter, flattening the frothy whites. In tears, she threw the whole mess out and sobbed into her drink. Fred and George felt so bad, they quietly whipped up several batches without further incident. Dobby enjoyed giggling over how the two troublemakers were guilted into producing these delicate sweets!
Using a hand mixer, beat the egg whites, vanilla, sugar, and cream of tartar at high speed until it forms stiff peaks. Put the egg white mixture into a piping bag with a large star-shaped tip. Pipe small peaks onto the parchment paper. Bake for 2 hours. At the end of the cooking time, turn off the heat, but leave the pan in the oven to dry overnight. The cooled kisses will come off the parchment paper easily, but they are fragile. Arrange carefully on a serving plate.
Crispy "Spider Egg" Blocks
Hagrid was a classmate to the boy who became Lord Voldemort; alas, Tom Riddle accused Hagrid of committing crimes that got the half-giant expelled from Hogwarts. After it was discovered Hagrid was housing a giant spider in a cupboard and raising it by hand, Tom told others that the creature had come out of the Chamber of Secrets, and that Hagrid had disposed of the creature's eggs by depositing them into rice blocks that Hogwarts served as a yummy dessert. Of course, the gentle giant had never done such a thing, but the spooky nickname for this treat persisted, especially during Hallowe'en!
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